— Corkmaster is the most prestigious position in our club.

— If elected, I plan to have vertical tastings, and guest speakers, perhaps even a trip to Portugal, where some of the world’s finest corks come from.

— I wish I had a cork right now.

— I even showed her my rarely seen collection of 18th century Portuguese bud vases.

— And how did she react?

— Well, if you must know, she was rather aroused. She said she loved a man who collected porcelain, and, oh, my God! I’m dating a whore.

— I just know the type. Today, she’s got you going against your better judgement.

— Pretty soon you’ll be thinking about her all the time.

— Losing sleep, missing work, neglecting your friends.

— Oh, I love making people laugh. To me, humour is like medicine.

— Guess we’re in the placebo group.